Weather Forecasts
What do you mean, you want to know what the weather's going to be like?
Damn, I tell you what, it really pays to have a good lawyer these days. It has certainly been a torrid winter. There were some occasions when I wished they really would lock me up. At least in prison I don't have to cook for myself. Or do the washing up. Time I found a new wife. Here's the seven-day forecast:
Weekend
No snow this weekend, and more's the pity. Instead it's the wet stuff again. Great news for all you prisoners out there, not so great for everyone who is young, free and single. Speaking of which, if any of you ladies are bored and lonely this Saturday, there's a distinguished elder gentleman here ready to include you in his will.
Monday
Things might finally be brightening up here in London. Could be a great day for a picnic in Hyde Park, don't you agree?
Tuesday
Glorious sunshine! Yes, I know I'll be sunbathing topless, but will you?
Wednesday
What a great week this is turning out to be. Dare I say it, but summer has really arrived. Time to shake away those winter blues with a evening of salsa dancing, or maybe ballroom if that's more your style. I don't mind, whatever you want.
Thursday
I must be the world's biggest jinxer. Nevermind, I heard there's some good flicks on at the picture house. Have I mentioned yet that I drive a Porsche?
Friday
Don't you just love Fridays? There's nothing I like better than a night on the town. That's right, I'm a bit of a mover on the dancefloor. Oh yeah. Fancy joining me at the local disco? Drinks are on me! What do you mean, you want to know what the weather's going to be like? Who do you think I am?
Other Forecasts...
- 2008-12-27: I'm freezing my fucking balls off
- 2008-08-09: Apparently, the word smog is an acronym for sado-masochistic olympic games
- 2007-11-17: That global warming thing can't happen quick enough
- 2007-07-28: I don't care what my psychologist says, I hate bloody rain
- 2007-05-26: Shoot me in the knee caps - anything but more rain
- 2007-03-24: I hope you're insured, because tornadoes will be flattening your house
- 2007-01-20: When's the next plane to Mali?
- 2006-07-22: Heavens above, why do you curse us with this rain?
