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Obama Thinks Americans Can Go Shove Their Healthcare
US president Barack Obama wished this week that the millions of moronic, idiot Americans protesting against his plans to give them better healthcare should go die somewhere quietly and leave him in peace.
In a dramatic departure from his conciliatory speeches urging unity and calm on the issue, Obama's usually cool exterior was finally exposed this week when brain waves intercepted by The Taxman showed what the 48-year-old really thinks.
"Just fuck off and have a fucking heart attack somewhere you fat shits. God damn you mother fuckers," Mr Obama thought.
"Aaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhh!"
The Taxman was using the latest mind-reading technology invented by irreverent scientist Doc Brown.
The time-traveller told us: "Obama thinks most Americans are a bunch of fat, useless slobs who don't even deserve free healthcare anyway. He's also wondering if it might be easier just to nuke Kentucky, Alabama, Tennesse...
"What?! This guy is the president?! Next you'll be telling me that white people have to share their bus shelters."
Obama's healthcare reform bill, which he hopes congress can agree on and pass before the end of the year, aims to improve the average American lifespan of 78.1 years. Bosnia and Herzegovina natives can currently expect to live several months longer.
Forty-six million Americans have no health insurance, many are denied cover because of pre-existing conditions and half of all bankruptcies in the country are caused by medical costs.
Yet when the subject was discussed by Fox News this week, several nearby underwear factories went up in flames. "It'll turn every doctor into a terrorist," said one moronic news reader.
"More people die because of Britain's NHS than due to aids, cancer, traffic accidents, warfare, heart disease and natural disasters combined," added another.
"When you walk into an NHS hospital and ask to see a nurse usually they just shoot you in the face and dump your body in the Thames.
"No wonder the UK population is now less than a thousand people."
The electronic signals whizzing around Obama's brain continued: "I wonder if I could put a clause in this bill somewhere that all Fox News employees must first submerge their heads in a state-funded vat of acid before going anywhere near a doctor?
"I'll ask Clinton to make it happen. He always knows how to get the job done."
