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The Telegraph Files: Reporters' Shoddy Journalism Techniques Revealed
Journalists at the Daily Telegraph are today implicated by The Taxman, as documents bought at a local newsagent reveal just how darn shoddy they really are.
In exchange for 90p that we would argue was 90p too much, the documents clearly show the depths to which this one-time bastion of good practice and journalistic heritage has plummeted in order to start shifting papers.
In the last week alone, reporters have treated as bigger news than 9/11, the Asian tsunami, Chernobyl and Hiroshima combined; the astonishing revelation that politicians are just a little bit corrupt. "He did what?" exclaimed one reporter as she misspelt another person's name. "I never thought an MP could be so devious!"
Pages and pages and pages of copy are dedicated to the news that MPs who supported both a Climate Change Bill and a third runway at Heathrow could be so darn cheeky as to claim expenses for a croissant. "He bought what? But that's my money! I didn't give him permission to buy that! This is front page stuff!!" exclaimed a privately-educated toff masquerading as a journalist.
"Who on God's green Earth would ever have voted Conservative in the first place?" asked another Torygraph shmuck. "Nevermind a voting system which discards the majority of people's votes and places value only on a minority of seats, not until now have we known that democracy is dying a death in this country!"
We, here at The Taxman, can also exclusively reveal how journalists have gone to extraordinary lengths in order to steal accurate stories fresh from the pen of honest and moral local news reporters in Warwickshire - and then reprint them as inaccurately as they possibly could.
"Let's see who can make the most glaring errors in one story," challenged the Telegraph's tea-lady who also writes her own column. "Wait, the kettle's boiled!"
