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Goodwin's Children Behind Latest Hate Campaign
The school-age children of retired banker Sir Fred Goodwin have admitted being behind a violent hate campaign against their father, after they were caught keying his Mercedes.
John and Honor now say their dad had been charging them 14 percent interest on their pocket money, and that he deserves everything he gets. "He also forced us to take out £25,000 loans at varying rates of up to 35 percent," little John Goodwin told reporters.
The acts of vandalism carried out by the Goodwin children include setting fire to their father's underwear draw, eating all the easter eggs in the house and, last night, John emptying Sir Fred's lifetime champagne supply down the toilet.
The mischevous tyke continued: "Last week he took control of our guinea pig through a hostile takeover, before liquidating her hutch. So no, we won't apologise for spray-painting 'greedy bastard' over his bedsheets."
A spokesman for Sir Fred, who last autumn resigned after eight years as the avaricious puppet-master of the failing Royal Bank of Scotland Group, said the banker would still not be giving up his £16.9 million pension, nor his 51 percent controlling stake in all of his children's future earnings.
Continued the under-paid spokesman: "Unfortunately, Sir Fred has been unable to run the guinea pig profitably due to taking unnecessary risks with its straw funds, although I am glad to say that the government this morning agreed a £50 billion rodent rescue package."
Sir Fred's children were yesterday excluded from school and have since been declared educationally bankrupt, meaning they must ask for their parents' permission before being taught in future.
"I. Hate. Daddy," added a purple-faced Honor, as she echoed the sentiment of a nation. "Seek. Kill. Destroy."
