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Bush Passes Presidential Assassination Bill
Outgoing US President George W. Bush has passed a last-minute legislative bill allowing for the assassination of the US president from Wednesday onwards.
In his last act as president, Bush said he was delighted to offer "hope for the future" to the millions of racists, sexists, homophobes, xenophobes, millionaires, hunters, gatherers, cavemen and facists who have supported him during his eight-year term.
"By forcing through this piece of legislative law, I am hereby allowing anyone - and I do mean anyone - to shoot, stab, punch, kick, beat or otherwise injure, harm and hopefully kill the president of the United States, whoever that may be come Wednesday," Bush said in his final speech to Americans as Commander in Chief.
Bush added: "I hope you've all enjoyed the last eight years, it sure has been one hell of a party. Maybe I'll see you all in the next life. And, hey, be careful out there. You never know when a Texan oil barron might just swoop in and fuck everything up."
