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Mugabe "Not Evil Enough"

World leaders have hit out at Zimbabwe tyrant Robert Mugabe for not quite being evil enough to do anything about.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown instructed Mugabe yesterday to "pull the finger out" if he wants to be held in the same regard as legendary evil dictators such as Saddam Hussein or Adolf Hitler.

"Mugabe's rigged what, three elections? Maybe four? At least he's trying to be democratic," said Brown.

Other world leaders who rate Mugabe's level of evil below that which obliges them to do anymore than fuck all include US President George Bush, South African President Thabo Mbeki and UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon.

On Monday, Bush said: "He [Mugabe] needs to torture and kill at least another several thousand opposition supporters before I'm even going to think about invading his country. Wait - he doesn't have oil does he? That's okay then."

Mr Ki-moon says Zimbabwe can continue to be a member country of the UN so long as inflation didn't rise to 100,000,000 percent. "Now that would be going too far," he said.

Mbeki yesterday broke his silence on Mugabe by praising his efforts to lift 11 million Zimbabweans out of poverty. "Every last man, woman and child in Zimbabwe is a billionaire. A loaf of bread might cost 200 billion, but that's beside the point."

An African Union summit this week, meanwhile, resolved to continue supporting Mugabe's quest to be the most evil tyrant in the continent's history. "Go, Mugabe, go!" they all chanted.

Gordon Brown added: "I mean, it's not as if Zimbabwe's problems have got anything to do with us is it? It's not like it's a former colony of ours or anything."

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