News Headlines
Police Lock-up Civil Liberty, Throw Away Key
The Metropolitan Police today arrested our civil liberties, took them to a jail cell, threw away the key, spat in their food and mocked them while they were still within ear-shot.
"We're gonna lock you up for good this time, punk!" said a Met officer to our civil liberties. "There ain't no hiding places in prison!" he added.
The incident came following a state visit from American terrorist and part-time comedian, George 'The President' Bush, of which the Met Police are an official fan club. Officers queued for hours outside Downing Street this morning in order to secure a good spot from which to see their idol, who was later scheduled to have tea with Prime Minister Gordon Brown.
Mr Bush, famous for his press conference skit in which he says that America is winning the war in Iraq, first visited Her Majesty the Queen before flying to Whitehall. "We love you, Bush!" screamed a group of police officers who had camped outside Windsor Castle in order to get a glimpse of their terrorist hero.
Things turned ugly however when the Met Police decided to stop non-terrorists walking down the street. "Stop there, you yob!" said one officer as he saw a righteous woman walk towards him. "One step closer and I'll put a bullet in your head!"
Thousands of innocent citizens were prevented from exercising their democratic rights as Mr Bush entertained his host, Mr Brown, with a joke about how one day there might be world peace. "Yeah right!" both said in unison.
Meanwhile, the Met Police set about arresting as many innocent people as they could. "Look, there's another one! Get him quick, before he commits a crime of some sort!"
But the ultimate villain - civil liberty - wasn't seized until several politicians came along to help out. "We've got you now, freedom! I've been democratically elected, giving me the right to fuck you in the ass!"
Upon arrest, our civil liberties were detained pending no court case or charges. They will eventually be taken to a secure holding somewhere near Cuba.
