News Headlines
Missing Child "Still Missing"
Madeleine McCann, the British child who went missing in Portugal on 3rd May, is still missing; according to her parents.
"We definitely haven't found her yet," said Maddy's father Gerry McCann, as one of his other children played with fireworks. "Keep looking," he added.
The continent-wide appeal to find four-year-old Madeleine has led to thousands of Madeleine look-alikes being abducted and taken to police stations across Europe by people hoping to get a piece of that £2.5m reward. None of whom were our own reporters.
"Forget about the hundreds of other missing persons in Britain," Mr McCann continued, as the entire populace of Iberia formed a human chain creating an image of Madeleine that could be seen by astronauts on the International Space Station.
All other news in Britain has been suspended until Madeleine is found. The BBC has relocated its newsroom to the Algarve and Fleet Street has nothing but tumbleweeds rolling across it.
The Daily Express is treating the disappearance of Madeleine McCann as the biggest news story since the death of Princess Diana.
"Fuck Darfur, fuck global warming, fuck Gaza, fuck Tony Blair's resignation - Madeleine is still fucking missing," said BBC anchorman Huw Edwards as he introduced the Six O'Clock News last night.
Chief Inspector Olegario de Sousa, leading the search for Madeleine, said yesterday that his team still had plenty of leads. "We have narrowed the possible locations of where Madeleine might be to just 14 countries," he said at a press conference of some estimated 12,000 journalists.
Meanwhile the Madeleine Fund, launched on Wednesday, is set to surpass the total amount raised by 27 years of Children In Need. The money collected will be spent on ridding Madeleine's parents of their overwhelming guilt.
