News Headlines
Tony Blair Mauled By Pit Bull Terrier
A pit bull terrier fatally mauled Prime Minister Tony Blair upon his return to Britain from holiday in Florida yesterday.
The incident occurred as Blair stepped off his plane at Heathrow Airport. According to airport staff, the dog "came out of nowhere" and seemed "somewhat hungry".
"We named him Benji," said an air-traffic controller.
A flight attendant captured the scene on his mobile phone and has put the video on YouTube. You can watch it by visiting www.youtube.com/dogeatingblair.
But the courageous Benji was reluctantly shot dead by airport security soon after the attack, in fear that he would go on to harm an innocent human being.
This latest incident is the culmination in a spate of aggressive canine incidents over the last week.
A spokesman for the Campaign Against Dangerous Dogs, upon hearing that the latest attack was perpetrated on our country's leader, said: "Bring back pit bulls!"
The breed is banned in Britain under the Dangerous Dogs Act and was also blamed for the previous attacks of this week, but there was a prompt early-day motion in parliament this morning calling for the removal of the pit bull terrier from the act. More than 600 MPs have so far signed it.
Last night several people had come forward claiming to be the owner of the courageous Benji. They included the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown: "Benji was mine!"
Conservative Party leader David Cameron: "If anyone trained that dog to hunt down and attack a Labour prime minister, it was me."
French President Jacques Chirac: "Je suis le proprietaire de ce chien Benji."
Defected Labour MP Clare Short: "I've got plenty more pit bulls where that came from."
TUC President Alison Shepherd: "Now that's what I call strike action!"
Mr Blair's sister-in-law Lauren Booth: "I've been borrowing the prime minister's socks in order to familiarise Benji with the scent of a lying bastard."
Bee Gees singer Robin Gibb: "That'll teach you to squat in my villa!"
And Respect MP George Galloway: "This is for Iraq!"
An organiser from Crufts has said that they will be honouring Benji with a lifetime achievement award at this years' show.
Hated by his party, hated by the public, wanted for war crimes, wanted for treason; Blair's demise in 2007 is a nationwide celebration.
