News Headlines
Fashion Victim Cautioned for Wearing Sunglasses On Overcast Day
A bin man has been cautioned by a local authority for wearing sunglasses on a murky and overcast autumn day.
The caution came after a resident from the South Guildford region of Guildford made a complaint to Guildford Borough Council regarding refuse lorry operative David Baker's appearance.
The resident wrote to the council: "I just don't like him, he looks shady."
Mr Baker is expected to appeal on his caution on the basis that he is a fashion victim and is therefore obliged to wear bad clothing on a daily basis.
This latest episode regarding fashion victims has sparked mass debate across the country as to whether or not we should allow such ghastly individuals to continue wearing unfashionable items of clothing, in a modern society where everyone has easy access to Vogue magazine.
Amid all the controversy, Mr Baker spoke yesterday to the thousands of reporters camped outside his semi-detached house.
"I wore the sunglasses because I'm a fashion victim. I'm not going to give that up just because I've offended someone," he said.
"I'm fully committed to the doctrine of bad fashion, and all that it entails. Next summer I'm going to wear ear muffs."
Asked why, Mr Baker continued: "Not because I live in a free country; not because I have unusually cold ears and need to wear them for thermal purposes; nor even because I like the damn things. But as a hard-working and dedicated fashion victim, it is my exclusive right and duty to wear certain clothing accessories at whenever is the most inappropriate and least practical time to wear them, and I shall exercise that right accordingly, regardless of who I offend."
In other news today, a fundamentalist fashion victim has blown up the world famous Christian Dior clothing store on the Champs-Elysees in Paris using old-fashioned Molotov cocktails, killing several shoppers.
