News Headlines
US School Children To Be Issued With Firearms
The US government will be issuing guns to school children in a bid to curb gun crime.
Following a spate of fatal school shootings across the country, US schools will be fully equipped with a range of firearms within the next 48 hours.
It is hoped that handing out these weapons to school children, between the ages of six and 18 years, will help to keep American schools secure from the threat of murderous rampages.
Children under the age of six years, who have not yet completed their firearm training, will be handed eight-inch knives instead.
A senior government official, called Bruce, announced: "The main issue is that these innocent school children are defenceless.
"As such, we have decided to equip each and every pupil throughout the country with the necessary firearms needed to protect both themselves and their classmates.
"We are firmly committed to making the nation's schools the safest possible environments for our children to learn in."
The National Rifle Association (NRA) says it fully supports the action taken by the US government.
"The problem we have in this country is that there is a blatant lack of gun equality," said a spokesman, called Brock.
"You don't see people with guns shooting other people with guns unless you're in the ghetto.
"The real problem is with people who do have firearms going into schools and shooting less fortunate people who don't."
Commenting on the move to arm nearly 60 million of the nation's schoolchildren, he added: "These actions should solve the problem overnight. We're delighted.
"No armed suicidal maniac in their right mind is going to want to go into a school now.
"If they did they'd get shot by 200 sixth-graders with sub machine guns."
