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Bush Plot To Oust Schwarzenegger Foiled After Arnie Kills All the Bad Guys
The Bush administration was left reeling last night after its carefully devised plan to oust the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, was thwarted in blockbuster fashion.
Schwarzenegger battled against the odds and overcame, among other things; laser gunfire, missile strikes, invisible alien life forms and seemingly indestructible robots before finally killing all the bad guys in a bloody finale.
He was later reunited with his wife and son, who had been kidnapped and held hostage for some two hours while their captors demanded a ransom.
Speaking late last night after recovering from his ordeal, Schwarzenegger said: "At one point today - after one of the bad guys walked out unscathed from the smouldering wreckage of a tanker truck I had blown up with my rocket launcher moments earlier - I thought that there was no way I would make it. All I can say is, thank goodness for molten metal!"
The former movie star also revealed that he knew all along about the identities of his adversaries. They were, of course, secret government agents appointed personally by President Bush himself in order to "terminate" the Governor of California.
It was not even long ago that the hero and villain of this story were close friends and political allies. In November 2003, upon Republican candidate Schwarzenegger's election as Governor of California, he and Bush agreed on many of each other's political policies - especially those of a sexist, racist and homophobic nature.
Time was not good to this friendship, however. Schwarzenegger is alleged to have been particularly upset after a 2005 visit to the White House in which he viewed the President's DVD collection, containing a wide range of Sylvester Stallone titles and a special edition box set of all five Rocky films.
It is even speculated that Bush only has the first two Terminator movies on VHS. This enraged Schwarzenegger and the relationship has been taut ever since.
Many of Schwarzenegger's right-wing Republican policies have since turned around, as was marked last month with the pledge to cut greenhouse gas emissions by 25 per cent by 2050.
The deal is in stark contrast to the Bush administration's rejection of the Kyoto Protocol and denial even of the existence of global warming.
Asked to comment on yesterday's failed Arnie assassination attempt, a White House spokesman said: "What do you mean he's still alive? I saw him crash a fighter jet into a fucking skyscraper. Why won't the fucking bastard just die? Please! Just die!!!"
Like in his films, Arnie seems set on saving the world. But who knows whether this story has a happy ending.
