News Headlines
Bush Declares War On the Atlantic Ocean
American President, George W. Bush, has declared war on the Atlantic Ocean.
Since the mega-disasters on America's Gulf Coast caused by the hurricanes Katrina and Rita the President has come under intense criticism for the way he has handled the immediate aftermath of Katrina and for failing to accept that global warming is responsible for producing two, 300 mile, category five storms in the space of a few weeks.
In response, and in typical fashion, Bush has been searching for a plausible scapegoat. Yesterday afternoon it was announced that he had found one:
"People of America, I have found a scapegoat for the disasters on our Gulf Coast! I am delighted to declare war on the Atlantic Ocean! Scientists have claimed that globular warmth was responsible for Katrina and Rita's destruction on the southern coastal areas of the south states down there. Well thanks for the advice but leave it to the experts next time okay folks?
"My very own intelligence has told me that, in fact, it was the Atlantic Ocean that had produced Katrina and his friend Rita. The mid-Atlantic is also producing yet more powerful hurricaranas that could be a threat to the peace loving people of our nation. Make no mistake - these hurricanes are weapons of mass destruction.
"As an American it is my right to go to war with any country, ocean or planet that is producing, or alleged to be producing, or rumoured to be producing, or we wrongly claim is producing, or we trick people into believing is producing weapons of mass destruction.
"Once we have bombed the Atlantic out of the water, you good folks on the coastal southern towns down near Texas there on the Gulf of Mexicans will be safe again. You can always trust the Bush administration to keep you safe and secure from foreign threats. Thank you for your time everyone and good luck to our service men, women and black men as they defend our great country against the evil Atlantic regime of the Middle Sea. I'll see you all again when I get back from my vacation!"
In other news, Atlantic Cruises Ltd has filed for bankruptcy.
