News Headlines
Old Lady, 103, Given ASBO
A 103-year-old woman has been given an Anti-Social Behaviour Order, or ASBO, by the Magistrates Court in Birmingham.
Many dozens of complaints were received about the lady, named "Betty", walking too slowly across pedestrian crossings and holding up traffic.
One motorist said of his traumatic experience: "I was driving to work when I saw a lady waiting at a zebra crossing. I stopped to let her walk across, but she was walking so slowly, I very nearly had to honk my horn!"
Another motorist told us that she had stopped at a pelican crossing as the lights were turning red, but by the time they started flashing amber, the lady was "only halfway across" and by the time they had turned green "she still had a few feet to go". The enraged motorist added: "She made me late for my nail appointment!"
Any person given an ASBO must improve their behaviour or face criminal action. They are usually given for reasons such as theft, drunkenness and violence; however in recent times they have been issued for more bizarre reasons.
We, here at The Taxman, declined the offer of an interview with Betty for fears that she may talk as slowly as she walks.
Betty is banned from walking around in urbanised areas and has been warned that if she is caught doing so she faces five years in a maximum-security prison. Betty has been told that if she wishes to travel around town in future she must use an electric buggy and keep it at a minimum speed of 15mph.
Other members of the public given ASBOs in the last few weeks have included a milkman who was accused of "wielding glass bottles at an unsociable hour" and a zookeeper who was branded "irresponsible" for being "unable to control his noisy pets".
