About
Taxman, The
noun A fictional character widely feared by the rich, powerful and corrupt
The Taxman is a block-busting, media-mocking, politically-patronising, ass-kicking satirical online newspaper that's going to steal your wallet and not give it back.
Originally conceived in a Bristol classroom circa 1995, the original Taxman manuscript was written by a little punk who wanted to kill his teacher with a blunt spoon.
For years the manuscript - now missing and worth billions of Zimbabwean dollars - was left to decompose in a desk draw. Yet, at the dawn of the new millennium, a bug was born. The Taxman was revived, and the British political landscape has never been the same since.
Until 2004 our stories were only published on toilet roll and distributed amongst flagrant West Country youths. An expression of interest from the student newspaper of Coventry University, The Source, initially took the form of a middle finger. And yet, The Taxman negotiated a two-year deal.
With its reporters sent to Coventry, The Taxman proceeded to cause carnage. The resulting damage was the worst the city had seen since the Second World War.
In July 2006, however, a crisis was looming. Where could The Taxman go next? It wasn't until one of our reporters discovered the internet that the answer was found.
To fund the construction of this website, a co-operative of homeless drunks purchased The Taxman in a hostile takeover. In the years since the violent mugging, our reporters have been kept locked inside a Fleet Street basement (above).
Whatever the future holds, we're sure it's going to be bleak. But so long as there is life, there will be The Taxman to report on it.
So if you think you've got the stones, email us. If you're a twat, find us on Twitter. If you're a fool, find us on Facebook. Either way, we pity you.
N.B. In 2009, an investigation by Warwickshire Police found that all of our staff were guilty of exercising freedom of speech, basic human rights and democratic autonomy. No arrests have yet been made.
